Culture & Daily Life Jokes

Q: What is a Karen called in Europe?

A: An American.

Explanation: The name Karen has, in recent years, been gaining popularity across the globe, and is often used to refer to entitled or demanding people. (Just as Americans are unfortunately seen by many as well.)

Ex. “Another Karen came into the store today and wouldn’t leave until she spoke with the manager about receiving a discount.”

(Our apologies to lovely people actually named Karen, including one of Brainscape’s best software engineers!)

Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

Explanation: U2 is an Irish rock band from Dublin, formed in 1976. The group consists of Bono, the Edge, Adam Clayton, and Larry Mullen Jr.

There are two reasons not to drink toilet water.

Number 1 and number 2.

Explanation: Number one and number two are expressions often used by parents and children when talking about going to the bathroom.

Q: What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?

A: Retired.

Saying “I’m sorry” is pretty much the same as saying “I apologize.”

Except at a funeral.

I used to hate facial hair.

But now it’s grown on me.

Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Q: What do ticks and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

A: They’re both Paris sites.

Tip: Be sure to articulate the words “Paris sites,” so that it sounds just enough like “parisites.”

I don’t know much about Switzerland, but I hear their flag’s a big plus.

My first time using the elevator…

was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

I just ordered the personal number plate BAA BAA.

It should look cool on my black jeep.

Today I saved $236.17 by not going to Target for toothpaste.

Explanation: This joke plays on the idea that one cannot simply buy one thing when they go into a store.

Instead, they will get distracted by the plethora of products, and will end up buying much more than they initially intended.

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

Tip: Pay close attention to the pronunciation of the word “around,” as there is a double meaning here.

“A round” is commonly used to refer to a set of drinks bought for all the members of a group, whereas “ordering everyone around” refers to telling someone what they should do in an unpleasant or forceful way.

Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

A: It was two tired.

Q: What did one hat say to the other?

A: You stay here. I’m going on ahead.

I was gonna tell you a joke about the time machine I made.

But you didn’t like it.

Explanation: This joke centers around the idea of a time machine – since the joke teller theoretically had a time machine, they were able to use it and know that the joke receiver did not find the joke to be very funny, and hence says “you didn’t like it.”

Some days it just feels like I might have nothing better to do than talk to a hole in the ground.

Oh well.

Explanation: This joke plays on the double meaning of the word, “well” – one of which means a hole in the ground used to obtain water, oil, or gas, and the other which is used to express agreement or acceptance.

Q: Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

A: He got fired.

What did you do yesterday?

I screwed in a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked into a bar. My life’s a joke.

I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said “Have a good day, son.”

“Don’t call me son,” I said. “You’re not my dad.”

He scratched his head. “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”

I can totally keep secrets.

It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

What room does a ghost not need in a house?

A living room.

If I had a band, I’d name it ‘Duvet.’

It’d be a cover band.

Explanation: A duvet is a large, soft, flat bag filled with feathers or artificial material used as a covering on a bed.

I lost my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight…

There would be mass confusion.

I was going to get my glasses fixed and guess who I ran into…

Everybody.

I'm re-tired.

Every day I am tired again.

A man who goes digging for expensive gems walks into a bar. But the bartender says "Sorry, we don’t serve miners here."

Explanation: A minor refers to someone under the legal drinking age, while a miner refers to someone who works in a mine.

The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes.

That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Every morning I announce that I’m going jogging, but then I don’t.

It’s a running joke.

In England they call them a “lift” and in America we call them an “elevator.”

They must have been raised differently.

Q: What do you call a fake Irish stone?

A: A shamrock.

The book I ordered about clocks finally came in.

It's about time.

Q: What is the least spoken language in the world?

A: Sign language.

Q: Why did the candle quit his job?

A: He was burned out.

What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear?

Mas-scare-a!

What do ghosts do at sleepovers?

Tell scary human stories.

Q: What does a house wear?

A: Address!

Tip: Be sure to articulate the distinct sounds of address so that it sounds a bit more like a dress.

I started a new job as a tailor last week.

It’s been sew-sew.

Tip: When telling this aloud, consider making a sewing hand-motion to emphasize that shade of meaning.

Q: What do you call two witches that live together?

A: Broomates.

At work I put my desk in the elevator.

This should take my career to a whole new level.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

Q: What kind of tea did the American colonists want?

A: Liberty.

Tip: Be sure to carefully pronounce the word liberty so that it sounds a bit more like liber-tea.