Food & Cooking Jokes

I never understood why people dislike vegans.

I’ve never had a beef with them.

Q: Why couldn’t the baker come in to work?

A: He just wasn’t in the right bread-space.

Explanation: Here, bread-space is being used due to its similarity to the word headspace.

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An impasta.

Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

A: It let out a little wine.

Fun fact: Grape juice transforms into wine during the fermentation process!

Q: Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the pizza?

A: Because he took a bite before it was cool.

Explanation: Here, the word, cool has a double meaning, one of which means a low temperature, and the other which means hip or following the latest fashion and trends.

“Hipsters” are often known for saying they were the first ones to start a trend “before it was cool”.

I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.

I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

Explanation: Rocky road is a type of ice cream comprised of a chocolate base with nuts and marshmallows mixed in.

Q: Did you hear that rumor about butter?

A: Well, I’m not going to spread it!

Q: What does a nosy pepper do?

A: It gets jalapeño business.
Explanation: Sounds like “All up in yo’ business.”

Q: Why are rich people bad at running bakeries?

A: They don’t knead the dough.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

A: Nacho cheese.

Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

A: They’d crack each other up.

There is a new trend in our office; the food in the fridge now has random names on it.

I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.

It took me a while to figure out it was just a Fanta sea.

Tip: Be sure to articulate the punchline slowly, so that it sounds equally like “Fanta sea” as “fantasy.”

Q: What did the sushi say to the bumblebee?

A: Wasabi.

Tip: Be sure to articulate the punchline slowly, so that it sounds equally like “What’s uuup, bee?” as “wasabi.”

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

Q: Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

A: Because they’re shellfish.

Q: Why did the tomato turn red?

A: Because it saw the salad dressing!

Tip: Emphasize the word dressing when you say the punchline aloud.

There has been a fire at the bakery.

They had a lot of bread on hand, and now the business is toast.

Q: What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

A: Depresso.

Q: What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?

A: The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Tip: Be sure to articulate the distinct sounds of ketch-up so that it sounds a bit more like catch up.

Engineers have made a car that can run on mint.

Hopefully, they can make buses and trains run on thyme.

Q: What’s a forklift?

A: Food usually.

I want to joke about a girl who only eats plants.

But you’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

Tip: Pronounce “herbivore” similarly to “her before.”

I saw a loaf of pumpernickel in a cage at my local zoo.

It was bread in captivity.

Q: What do you call sketchy food?

A: Sus-tenance.

Explanation: Sus is an informal term that refers to something that is questionable or dishonest, stemming from the word sus-picious.

At the supermarket today, I saw a guy being inappropriate in the produce section …

He was taking a leek.

Explanation: "Taking a leak" is an informal and somewhat impolite way to say that someone is urinating.

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise,

but the fire trucks ruined it.

Q: Why do melons have big weddings?

A: Because they cantaloupe.

Tip: Pronounce cantaloupe in a somewhat sly way, so that it sounds more like can't elope.

Q: What did one plate say to the other?

A: "Dinner is on me!"

I personally think being a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

Tip: Be sure to take a emphasize the double meaning when pronouncing the words "missed steak," so that it sounds like "mistake."

Bread is a lot like the sun.

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

There were two muffins in an oven, and one said, “It’s getting hot in here, isn’t it?”.

The other muffin gasps, “Ahh! A talking muffin!”

I was just in the breakroom, and a guy threw milk at me…

How dairy!

Tip: Be sure to articulate the distinct sounds of how dairy so that it sounds a bit more like how dare he.

Sometimes I tell fish puns just for the halibut. They're not always funny.

That last one was just a fluke.

[Groans from crowd]

Oy, I'm floundering here!

Q: How do you practice safe eating?

A: Use condiments.

Tip: Be sure to carefully pronounce the word condiments so that the beginning two syllables sound a bit more like condom-ents.

Apparently, you can’t use beef stew as a password.

It’s just not stroganoff.

Tip: Pronounce "stroganoff" so it is a bit ambiguously closer to sounding like "strong enough."

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread.

The next, you're toast.

Explanation: If someone says "you're toast" it means you are in a lot of trouble.

A physical object can also be "toast", which means it has been destroyed.

Also, the phrase "best/greatest thing since sliced bread" is a popular American idiom sometimes used to describe something or someone that one thinks is very good or useful.

Q: Why didn’t Socrates like the French fries?

A: Because they were made in ancient Greece.

Tip: Be sure to emphasize the word Greece when saying this joke out loud!

This play on words alludes to the type of grease used to cook french fries.

What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?

Close the door, I’m dressing.