What’s that joke about waiting for your date at the gym?
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she didn’t show up.
That’s when I knew we weren’t going to work out.
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Key Terms
What’s that joke about waiting for your date at the gym?
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she didn’t show up.
That’s when I knew we we...
What’s that joke about the difference between a best friend and a girlfriend?
Q: Why is “girlfriend” one word but “best friend” is two words?
A: Because your best fr...
What’s that joke about always giving 100%?
Whatever you do always give 100%.
Unless you are donating blood.
What’s that joke about arguing on an elevator?
Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator.
I was wrong on so...
What’s that joke about marrying the janitor?
Q: Why did the teacher marry the janitor?
A: Because he swept her off her feet!
What’s that joke about competitive siblings?
My sister and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
…but I laugh more.
What’s that joke about pregnancy and contractions?
Did you hear the joke about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t!...
What’s that joke about attracting a country girl?
Q: How do you get a country girl’s attention?
A: A tractor.
What’s that joke about a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression?
My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.
But don’...
What’s that joke about losing an audiobook?
I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
Tip: Feel ...
What’s that joke about eyebrows?
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
What’s that joke about a wife apologizing?
My wife apologized for the first time ever.
She said she was sorry she married me.
What’s that joke about giving birth?
OR that joke about a body building program?
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.
It’s a girl and we...
What’s that joke about finding a good match?
Q: What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?
A: “I found the perfect...
What’s that jokes about smitten bed bugs?
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They’re getting married in the sp...
What’s that joke about Valentine’s Day in France?
What does the French chef give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
A hug and a quiche.
What’s that joke about being lazy?
My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy.
It’s not like I did something.
What’s that joke about red flags?
I dated a communist once.
It did not end well. I should have noticed all the red flags....
What’s that joke about being the only one in someone’s past?
My ex once asked if she was the only one I had ever been with.
I told her she was the o...
What’s that joke about being called an ass?
My coworker must think I’m sexy.
Every time I leave the room I hear her say, “what an a...
What’s that funny story about an ugly baby?
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby...
What’s a funny reply to the question “are you free tomorrow”?
No, I’m expensive. Sorry.
What’s that joke about changing your seat on a plane?
OR that joke about a crying baby?
Why didn’t the flight attendant let me change my seat when I sat next to a crying baby?
What’s that joke about doors opening and closing?
My grandpa used to say…“When one door closes another door opens.”
He was a great man bu...
What's that joke about a naughty baby?
Q: What did the mommy rope say to the baby rope?
A: “Don’t be knotty!”
What's that joke about the best man at a wedding?
Q: Why does a bride always cry at the wedding?
A: Because she never marries the best ma...
What's that joke about Adam and Eve?
Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, they had an apple!
What's that joke about impersonating flamingos?
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
What's that joke about taste buds?
Which friends should you always take out to dinner?
Your taste buds.
What's that joke about "speaking when spoken to"?
What advice do ghosts give their children?
Only spook when spoken to.
Related Flashcard Decks
| Term | Definition |
|---|---|
What’s that joke about waiting for your date at the gym? | I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she didn’t show up. That’s when I knew we weren’t going to work out. |
What’s that joke about the difference between a best friend and a girlfriend? | Q: Why is “girlfriend” one word but “best friend” is two words? A: Because your best friend gives you space when you need it. |
What’s that joke about always giving 100%? | Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood. |
What’s that joke about arguing on an elevator? | Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator. I was wrong on so many levels. |
What’s that joke about marrying the janitor? | Q: Why did the teacher marry the janitor? A: Because he swept her off her feet! |
What’s that joke about competitive siblings? | My sister and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids. …but I laugh more. |
What’s that joke about pregnancy and contractions? | Did you hear the joke about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”? She was having contractions. |
What’s that joke about attracting a country girl? | Q: How do you get a country girl’s attention? A: A tractor. Tip: Be sure to take a pause when pronouncing the words “a tractor,” so that it sounds less like “attract her” and puts more emphasis on the word “tractor.” |
What’s that joke about a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impression? | My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don’t worry… I’ll return. [Said in bad deep Austrian accent] Explanation: Arnold Schwarzenegger is known for his catchphrase, “I’ll be back.” In this joke, the Schwarzenegger impression is considered “terrible,” because the catchphrase is incorrectly referenced by saying “I’ll return,” rather than “I’ll be back.” |
What’s that joke about losing an audiobook? | I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it. Tip: Feel free to substitute “girlfriend,” for anything you feel would be appropriate, such as “boyfriend,” “partner,” “sibling,” “parent,” “friend,” etc. |
What’s that joke about eyebrows? | I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. |
What’s that joke about a wife apologizing? | My wife apologized for the first time ever. She said she was sorry she married me. |
What’s that joke about giving birth? OR that joke about a body building program? | My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning. It’s a girl and weighs 7 lbs 12 oz. |
What’s that joke about finding a good match? | Q: What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love? A: “I found the perfect match!” |
What’s that jokes about smitten bed bugs? | Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They’re getting married in the spring! Tip: Be sure to emphasize the word spring when saying this joke out loud! This play on words alludes to the type of coil spring found in a mattress. |
What’s that joke about Valentine’s Day in France? | What does the French chef give his wife on Valentine’s Day? A hug and a quiche. Tip: Be sure to take note of the pronunciation of “a hug and a quiche,” when saying this joke out loud – try to make it sound like a hug and a kiss! |
What’s that joke about being lazy? | My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy. It’s not like I did something. |
What’s that joke about red flags? | I dated a communist once. It did not end well. I should have noticed all the red flags. |
What’s that joke about being the only one in someone’s past? | My ex once asked if she was the only one I had ever been with. I told her she was the only 1. The rest were 9s and 10s. |
What’s that joke about being called an ass? | My coworker must think I’m sexy. Every time I leave the room I hear her say, “what an ass.” |
What’s that funny story about an ugly baby? | A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.” |
What’s a funny reply to the question “are you free tomorrow”? | No, I’m expensive. Sorry. |
What’s that joke about changing your seat on a plane? OR that joke about a crying baby? | Why didn’t the flight attendant let me change my seat when I sat next to a crying baby? They won’t do it if the baby’s yours. Tip: This only really works if you have a baby. But like all these other jokes, you can adapt it to fit the situation. |
What’s that joke about doors opening and closing? | My grandpa used to say…“When one door closes another door opens.” He was a great man but a terrible cabinet maker. |
What's that joke about a naughty baby? | Q: What did the mommy rope say to the baby rope? A: “Don’t be knotty!” Tip: Be sure to take a pause when pronouncing the word "knotty," so that it sounds like "naughty." |
What's that joke about the best man at a wedding? | Q: Why does a bride always cry at the wedding? A: Because she never marries the best man. |
What's that joke about Adam and Eve? | Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? A: No, they had an apple! |
What's that joke about impersonating flamingos? | My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. Fun fact: Flamingos stand on one leg to avoid muscular fatigue! |
What's that joke about taste buds? | Which friends should you always take out to dinner? Your taste buds. |
What's that joke about "speaking when spoken to"? | What advice do ghosts give their children? Only spook when spoken to. |